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My Identity: Ewa’s Dilemma

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I stopped in my tracks.

“Omalicha means beauty.” Mr Chibuzor my neighbour who lived just opposite our one-room apartment explained to me yesterday night. There was no phone to Google it. My mum uses these small phones that have little or no function. Well, if you remove the fact that it enables her to make and receive calls and then, it had two games. I mean without any iota of pride, no one can combat with me as regards the games– snake and brick.

I smiled or better still I blushed. Mr Chibuzor took a long look at me with suspicion written all over his features. I quickly frowned and was about to fly from the passage into our room. When he called me back. “Why did you ask?”

I scratched my neck. I was caught off guard. I hadn’t expected the question. But trust me, I replied. “I heard it from a friend and then I was curious about it. She wouldn’t tell me the meaning. That’s why I asked from you, sir.” I ensured I stressed the sir. Mr. Chibuzor was a man who loved people greeting him and ensuring you added sir to it. Or else you’re in soup. So, I sha lied the half-truth.

He peered at me, his eyes glasses perching on the bridge of his nose. “I know you know you are a fine girl. Don’t let any yeye boy deceive you. If you do not pity yourself, pity your mother. Pity your siblings. HIV is real, pregnancy is real. Flee all youthful lust. That’s what the bible says.”

I nodded and thanked him ensuring I added the sir again.

Well, he was a bit wrong. I didn’t know I was fine. Looking at it from this angle, I remember a day back in secondary school when one of my teachers was rating the beauty of the girls in my class. It mattered to me because we called him Mr. Prince Charming. He was really handsome. Out of 25 students, he rated me 24th.

So, I didn’t think I was fine not to talk about being beautiful. But, here was a totally handsome stranger who didn’t know me and had called me beautiful. And now, Mr. Chibuzor just affirmed that I was beautiful. Someone had to be lying. So, I would take a long look in the mirror at every chance that I got and ensure that I was not caught by my mum. Even with my natural hair packed in a shuku, my flawless fair skin(thanks to the new body cream mum bought recently for me. She didn’t say why she got it but I think it’s because I came out with flying colors in my exams), my big lips, oblong face and hips that do not lie. I didn’t think I was beautiful enough.

So, when Chibuzor climbed down the stairs of his house again and looked into my eyes the way only he does and called me Omalicha, my heart picked race. And without a doubt, I believed him. He bought some oranges from me again and kept complimenting everything about me.

I braced myself up and asked for his name. “Innocent” He drawled and looked at me with a funny expression. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He played with his small beards for a while and then, dropped his hands into his pocket. Will you come in for a cup of tea? You don’t have to worry my parent is not around.”

Chai. I could imagine what the tea would look like. It will be well garnished with milk and sugar. Only God knew when last I had taken original tea. Maybe before my dad’s death. I was tempted, I mean very tempted to follow him inside. I realized at that spot that I liked him.

Innocent, was a lanky tall boy for his age. I knew he would likely be my age because his face gave him away. At first look, you would notice his handsomeness. “I’m sorry. Next time.” I managed to say. I quickly carried the almost empty tray on my head.”

Innocent laughed. You don’t have to be shy. I know you are naive. I won’t take advantage of your naivety. Removing his hands from his pocket, he held my tray and struggled to remove it from my head. “I won’t touch you or kiss you.” He added.

I felt my face flush. I wasn’t even thinking about that. But now that he had mentioned it, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. “No, no… no.” I stuttered. “My mother would be waiting for me.”

“But promise.” He insisted.

I nodded and sighed feeling relieved when he finally let go of the tray. I fastened my steps, half walking and half running.

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