Growing up in the church did not necessarily make me Christian. I just knew that like weekdays, Sundays were for church services. However, I loved Sundays because in children’s class, I always looked forward to the cartoons, birthday celebrations and customary biscuit and juice.
Every Sunday, there was a new memory verse but I always forgot them before the close of service while the cartoons and refreshments always lingered. There was one verse that I knew by heart though, the popular anthem “for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whomsoever believed in Him would not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16 KJV).”
The thing is, I was born into Christianity and I was raised in the belief that Jesus died for me because God loved us so much that He wanted His Son to atone for our iniquities and bring us back to Himself like in the garden of Eden.
I attended church, participated in kids fasting and prayers during holidays, especially when my family started attending Mountain of Fire Ministries. One time, I was around 10 or 12 years old when we were instructed to fast and pray for the whole day and break our fast the next day at 2pm. I wasn’t raised in a home that was spiritual and those kinds of things were not familiar so when my sister and I got home, we ate. Back then, I had no idea that studying the bible had anything to do with praying and fasting. I didn’t even pray, I just starved and slept till it was time to break fast.
Many years later as a young adult, I incorporated a wonderful lifestyle of living how I liked during the week and going to church only on Sundays for service. I saw no other reason to go to church and this was because my dad constantly told us to go to church but he was always at home on Sundays.
At some point in 2023, I stopped going to church altogether. The truth was, I felt like there was nothing new because all my life, I was taught that Jesus was the Son of God and that by His blood we have been adopted into Sonship and heirs with Christ but I never had that deep connection with Him. Sundays were just formalities and an avenue to dance in God’s presence as a way to reconcile for the previous week.
Also, I had beef with some of the laws in the bible which was written by forty (40) men that lived centuries ago. Plus the laws in the bible were misogynistic in my opinion because why couldn’t a woman preach in the Corinthian Church? Why did she always have to cover herself? Let’s also talk about God from the Old Testament; He was fierce, scary and He sent out fire to consume His enemies and people who disobeyed Him while having His favorites. I mean, what did Esau do to be rejected even before birth?
Many things did not make sense.
Until a day in June 2023, when I had a dream that ended with a soft whisper like a credit at the end of movies, “Deutronomy 10:1.” I didn’t even have a bible save for one NIV bible which was there for formality.
What you must understand before we go further is that once upon a time as a teenager, I gave my life to Christ but the relationship didn’t last. I tried working on the relationship when I got admission into Auchi Polytechnic but it was always a hassle so I gave up. I just showed up in church make e nor be like say I nor dey go church.
After that day in June, I tried going back to church, studying the bible and trying holy things but it didn’t work. Like before, I tuned out and was back in the streets.
A lot of things happened in 2024, I lost some people by death and separation and after crying so much, I kept moving and landed in church as a means to pick up the pieces of my life. I went back to the formalities of Sundays but this month, I had a rude awakening that showed the level of my ignorance.
A friend sent me a reel on Instagram where a lady debated who Jesus was using scriptures from the old testament to counter some beliefs in the new testament; even as far as using some of Jesus’ words. It made so much sense that I started questioning all that I had been taught from childhood. Her points were intelligent and justifiable and I remembered who the God of the old testament was, a scary God with faves. I began to wonder how God possibly had a son whom He sent to redeem man (it didn’t help that I had read Davinci’s Code by Dan Brown in the past which made me question things at the time too). Was this not that same God that put confusion in the midst of mankind when they built the tower of Babel because He didn’t want them to come to heaven?
Then I got confused and started questioning the faith I was born into. This made me look up facts and opinions using the similarities between the Bible and Quran to justify who Jesus was. I discovered that despite their differences, both agreed that:
- Jesus was the Messiah
- He was born by a virgin mother and
- His miracles were true and notable.
As I searched for more facts, I was reminded by my friend, Rain, that “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God (John 1:1).” Rain’s words made me think about the possibility of truth as it was not possible for four (4) books of the Bible to witness the life of Christ with such accuracy that rendered many things true. It didn’t end with the four though; some books of the prophets even testified to His life.
Remember those Sunday School lessons that I was present in but never remembered? Some of them resurfaced and after much deliberation, I sent my friend (reel partner) my replies.
At the end of the day, I realized that what you listen to really matters as they sow seeds even when you are unaware. Ever wondered why at some critical moments in life, you get flashbacks of things you learnt before but thought they never registered or you just knew how to handle something despite not knowing where it came from? That was how I felt. No wonder the bible said, “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:7).”
In conclusion, I realized that Jesus was truly the Son of God and that God is not wicked. In fact, when you read the book of Leviticus, you get to see Him as disciplined but very compassionate. It was in Leviticus that the law “love thy neighbor as thyself” was born. This is not to say that everyone will see Him the same way because there may be “ten thousand of us in a room but we will have ten thousand revelations of who God is (paraphrased from Dada Awosika’s address to a congregation).”
It is important you know that even though God created the world, He won’t force Himself on anyone. Just like that soft whisper at the end of my movie-like dream in 2023, He takes the credit of creation as He is the Executive Producer, Script Writer and Director of the stage called life.
Well, I am just a girl, what do I know?
