Sweat poured out of my armpits as I walked towards Nathan. He was sitting on a fallen trunk beside a huge tree in the  school’s courtyard. The sky was slightly gray and unclear.

I sat beside him on the trunk and peeped at his book, he was drawing a basketball pitch with players. A leaf fell on my hand and I held onto it. 

“Nathan?” I asked, my voice barely audible.

“Nathan?” I called again but he seemed to be lost in his drawing.

I gently tapped his hand and he turned to me. 

“Hey, what’s up fine girl?” he asked with a smile.

“I was just wondering why you are in school today despite the fact that you are not feeling well, especially with the accident and all that transpired last week. I’m just wondering,” I replied.

Nathan managed another smile which exposed his broken incisor. His nose was adorned with a sticker plaster.

“I didn’t die so why stay at home and watch everyone pity me. You of all people should know that I don’t like to be pitied. It’s not a good look and it makes me feel less of myself,” Nathan replied and returned to his drawing. 

I worried about how to console him but a part of me knew it was not worth it. I shifted closer to Nathan but he didn’t budge. 

“I really like you and I know this isn’t the best time to say this but I wrote you a letter and you never responded or gave me a reply. The term is about to end and I will leave for Canada soon because I passed my IELTS exams. I just want you to know how much I like you Nathan,” I said with my eyes closed while swinging my legs.

I finally opened my eyes but there was no reaction from Nathan who was still engrossed in drawing the audience behind the basketball pitch. 

“Nate, did you hear me?” I asked, my heart in my mouth. 

I nudged his shoulder and he looked up. He brushed off an ipod from his ear and looked at me.

“What’s up, Chekwube?” he asked, slightly irritated.

My tongue was tied at the roof of my mouth. I felt the chair would give way for the soil to absorb me. 

“Hey Nathan!” 

Nathan and I turned, standing before us was Benita in her crisp uniform, white socks and neatly polished shoes. Her cornrows added a finishing touch to her appearance. 

“Hi finest,” Nathan said and hugged her. 

“I didn’t expect to see you in school today. You look better than how the story goes,” Benita turned to me as an afterthought, “Hi Chekwube.”

I nodded to her greeting and stood up. My cheeks were burning with embarrassment, it’s a blessing to be black, how would I describe the emotion I was feeling?

“Are you going now?” Nathan asked surprised.

“I have to go to the library. There’s a textbook I need for my literature assignment. I need to get good grades if I’ll be a lawyer, you know?” I said and my voice sounded like that of a banshee in my ears.

“Don’t push yourself too hard,” Nathan replied.

“If you will make a good lawyer, work on your organization, appearance and confidence else you will be considered a joke, Chekwube. Probably use an English name too instead of that name,” Benita said, a smirk on her face. 

Remind me again why I dislike her?

“That isn’t the way to talk to my friend and her name is a fine name. I think it means ‘wait let them say’ or so. It’s a really good name,” Nathan replied Benita who just rolled her eyes, “You look good by the way. I saw your letter…”

I quickly walked away from the courtyard as tears began to pool in my eyes. I felt hurt but that’s normal. Nathan also didn’t hear me. What a waste of my confession. 

I started avoiding Nathan and it was a blessing that we didn’t attend the same classes. He was a science student and I, an art student. I began to frequent the Library even when I didn’t feel like reading. 

The smell of books lined on rusty cabinets and wooden frames filled me with nostalgia. There was no joy greater than opening the brown pages of old novels and books. 

The blue walls of the library and it’s quiet filled me with a burning sensation for knowledge. It was my safe haven from the world. 

“And I finally found you,” Nathan said and settled into a seat beside me. 

I ignored him as I willed all my attention to the words on the brown paper. 

“Are you ignoring me? No, the question is, have you been avoiding me lately?” he asked staring at me.

I turned the page without saying a word. 

“Is this what we are doing now, Chekwube?” he asked bluntly. 

I pointed at a sign on my left which read ‘DO NOT DISTURB’.

“Why are you being petty? It’s been a week now. When I visited your house on Sunday, you were home but you refused to come downstairs to see me and that’s not how we do Chekwus. What’s the matter?” Nathan asked, the plea in his hushed voice was unmistakable.

“Nothing!” I said quietly.

“When you talk like that, there’s definitely something. You sound like my sister now when she’s on her period. Did I do something?” Nathan asked again.

“Guy, you are disturbing!” a boy shushed from the partitioning cubicle.

“Chekwus… what’s up?” Nathan asked again.

“Guy, I’m working on a math assignment. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, leave her and her big glasses. There are other fishes in the sea,” the boy replied Nathan.

“It’s that sea that will swallow you and even if they use glasses, they won’t see you to carry. Nonsense!” I fired back. 

“She speaks-” Nathan began.

“‘Speaks’ finish you. Did you hear me? I don’t want to see you and yes, I am avoiding you. Is there a problem with wanting to be in my own lane? Is there?” I shouted.

The librarian glared at me from his seat at the front end of the library. He looked like a ghost with his white shirt and angular face against the sky-blue of the library.

I packed my books and walked out of the library, Nathan behind me.

“What is it?” I shouted as we approached the garden in front of the library. 

“It’s you. You wrote me that letter and you have been avoiding me. Why?” Nathan asked. 

“Because you don’t have eyes!” I said.

“Well, jokes on you. Your glasses are so thick that it can magnify fire. What eyes do I need?” Nathan asked.

I hissed loudly. 

The sun sat up in the sky overlooking the green garden as it burned the soil. The air was humid and I was beginning to sweat.

“Let’s go and get coke and bigi at Mama Rashidat’s minimart?” Nathan asked.

“No. Whatever you were pestering me for inside that air-conditioned library, say it here. Get it over with,” I snapped.

“My mom said you passed the IELTS and after Waec, you would be leaving the country. Why didn’t you tell me earlier, I thought friends communicate?” he asked.

“As far as we are concerned, I’m done being your friend,” I wanted to storm off but  I decided against it, “That day, under that tree, I said it but you blocked your ears. May you not block your ears on the day of rapture. May your big, useless ears not be blocked the day your helper wants to bless you.”

“Are these insults necessary?” Nathan asked quietly.

I could see the sweat pooling on his brows and around his nose and lips. 

“That is a rather stupid question but yes, they are necessary. I am the fool that opened my mouth waaahh and emptied my heart to an empty barrel. Go and be with that Benita. You people have chemistry,” I said and began to walk away.

Nathan grabbed my hands and led me to the back of the library that was shielded by a tree and ton of bushes. 

“What is it?” I asked while dusting off cobwebs from my hair.

I felt his soft lips press into mine as he hugged me. My heart was pounding like a menace in my chest. After a few minutes, he released me and I crushed his face into mine again. 

“So, did you mean what you said?” he asked, breaking the kiss.

“When did I say anything?” I asked him with furrowed brows.

“Your tantrums, the avoidance and your letter,” he stated, expectant for an answer.

“How did you…? Which letter?” I asked bemused and shocked.

“I know your writing even though you pride yourself in excellent calligraphy. I knew through the T’s; your T’s are always peculiar and the strokes never waver. Your mother is the one to blame for the perfectionist she raised,” Nathan said with a coy smile.

“I didn’t think you would know. This is crazy. Can we forget that this ever happened? I mean it. Let’s just stay friends, it’s better that way and we are too young for…” 

“I wasn’t going to accept your proposal. I just wanted to know what kissing my friend, the geek, feels like. I’ve still got a whole life ahead of me. Let’s just stay friends because if things go south, it will affect our friendship and I don’t want to lose my number one confidant,” Nathan said as his eyes held mine.

“There’s a long life ahead of us. No need to rush. We’ll go to Uni, meet others and see life. Till then, let’s just be guys but if we end up without partners, we can settle with each other. Deal?” Nathan asked. 

I felt utterly defeated but he had a point. I nodded and we shook hands on it. 

It’s been five years since I moved to Canada. Life has been eventful at best but this morning, my mom called and informed me of Nathan’s death. He died in a car accident from drug overdose, Benita was with him. She was in a coma and doctors were hoping for a miracle.

He broke the deal but I believe life has only been fair…… 

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